Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they’re tragic famine victims who haven’t eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now, because you’re 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me
the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it
not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion
This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs
wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?!
My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn’t seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time I went to double check that he did indeed have food, he’d book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as I walked away he’d follow me screaming again.
Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we’re a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I’m ever out for more than 12 hours I’ll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he’s been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it.
My cats are indoor cats. Being indoor cats, they can’t go outside to hunt for food (mice, rats, birds, etc) to gift to my sister and I.
But they know that the kitchen has food. They know where the easily accessible cat food is. And obviously my sister and I are just Really Big Stupid Hairless cats.
So if my sister and I go without leaving our rooms for too long? My cats will sit outside our doors and scream for our attention, lead us to their food bowls, and then only stop the screaming and leading once they see us sit down at the table and eat something. Because they think we’re hungry.
Your cats are the sweetest beings on the Earth, it makes my heart warm knowing that they exist. They love you very much and they care so much, they want you healthy and happy and will make sure you don’t neglect yourself and oh god they are so perfect. Real pure love exists, I am happy to be alive today.
My neighbor is a hardcore drunk. Like, 9am and dude is drinking vodka, but he had a cat that’s pretty much his honest to god caregiver because I have seen this cat visibly screaming at this man to keep him from hurting himself and sometimes when he hasn’t been outside for a while, the cat will scream at my door until I go outside to knock on the door to check on him. Cats are literal angels.
I have a cat named a Kitty Pryde who has an extra thumb and these giant paws and while she’s not super bright she did learn that she likes being pet. So I must like being petted right? So if I’m watching TV alone she’ll come up and just with her giant paw gently stroke my arm or hand until I pet her back and she waits and pets me again and it goes on a while. Cats are angels.
My cat once stuffed my bath mat into the litter box
That’s a really nice litter box
my cat, like most cats, like to steal food from the kitchen surfaces. my dog doesn’t like this because she can’t reach, so she’ll come and snitch to us that he’s there so we can throw him off. so my cat started pushing bits of food off the surfaces to pay off the dog so she wouldn’t tattle.
My cat used to do something similar, except she was never interested in eating the food. Back before our last dog passed away; Mittens (the cat) used to push food off the counter and watch Roxy (the dog) eat it.
Whenever I’m battling a depression downswing (I’m always depressed but some periods are worse than others) I tend to stay up very late. Part of this is that I have a delayed circadian rhythm, but part of it is that I sacrifice physical needs (sleep) for emotional needs (contact with friends, my favorite video game). My cat Sephie noticed this pattern. She already has a vocabulary that’s distinct and understandable. She invented a new sound to make for “you need to go to bed, mama.”
So now, if I’m still up around 11pm, she jumps on my chair and scolds me that it’s past my bedtime. She takes good care of me.
“if she eat the fruit, she a thot”, the Allmighty said
“all women are queensssss” the serpent hissed into Eve’s ear
HE saw that they had eaten the fruit. and so with divine fury, he cast them out of Paradise as HIS voice thundered across the planes
“This bitch sentient. YEET”
Jesus handed his disciples the cup with wine
“take a sip babes, for this is my blood”
as he cast samael the lightbringer out of heaven, the lord turned to his voice. metatron, this is so sad. play despacito
God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. Then said for all, but Noah and his family, “then perish”
And on the seventh day, God said: “It is Sunday, my dudes.”
And He told His followers about the Promised Land:
Moses commanded the red sea in the name of God, “Move, I’m gay.”
And the Lord spoke to his disciples, “Take, cronch. This is my body, given for you.” Then, lifting the wine, Jesus cracked open a cold one with the boys.
The blind man was made to see by Jesus’ hand, and he looked up in awe. “I’d like to thank not only God but also Jesus.”
The Pharaoh of Egypt would not relent, for he was the sand guardian, guardian of the sand, and the Israelites quivered before him.
Tied up and helpless, Samson’s wig was snatched.
On the third day, Jesus rose again. “I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me.”
“PSA: here are the new Commandments, thank you for coming to my TED talk.”
“Um OP literally created the world and everything in it but go off I guess”
Witnessing Jesus walking on water, the disciples were in awe: “Oh, my God — He on x-games mode”
Create a mess 