An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.
It isn’t uncommon for this particular demon to be summoned—from
exhausting Halloween party pranks in abandoned barns to more legitimate (more
exhausting) ceremonies in forests—but it has to admit, this is the first time
it’s been called forth from its realm into a claustrophobic living room bathed
in the dull orange-pink glow of old glass lamps and a multitude of wide-eyed,
creepy antique porcelain dolls that could give Chucky a run for his money with
all of their silent, seething stares combined. Accompanying those oddities are
tea cup and saucer sets on shelves atop frilly doilies crocheted with the
utmost care, and cross-stitched, colorful ‘Home Sweet Home’s hung across the wood-paneled
walls.
It’s a mistake—a wrong number, per se. No witch it’s ever
known has lived in such an, ah, dated,
home. Furthermore, no practitioner that ever summoned it has been absent, as if
they’d up and ding-dong ditched it. No, it didn’t work that way. Not at all.
Not if they want to survive the encounter.
It hears the clinking of movement in the room adjacent—the kitchen,
going by the pungent, bitter scent of cooled coffee and soggy, sweet sponge
cakes, but more jarring is the smell of blood. It moves—feels something slip
beneath its clawed foot as it does, and sees a crocheted blanket of whites and greys
and deep black yarn, wound intricately, perfectly, into a summoning circle. Its summoning circle. There is a small splash
of bright scarlet and sharp, jagged bits of a broken curio scattered on top,
as if someone had dropped it, attempted to pick it up the pieces and pricked their finger.
It would explain the blood. And it would explain the demon being brought into
this strange place.
As it connects these pieces in its mind, the inhabitant of
the house rounds the corner and exits the kitchen, holding a damp, white dish
towel close to her hand and fumbling with the beaded bifocals hanging from her
neck by a crocheted lanyard before stopping dead in her tracks.
Now, to be fair, the demon wouldn’t ordinarily second guess
being face-to-face with a hunchbacked crone with a beaked nose, beady eyes and
a peculiar lack of teeth, or a spidery shawl and ankle-length black dress, but
there is definitely something amiss here. Especially when the old biddy lets
her spectacles fall slack on her bosom and erupts into a wide, toothy (toothless)
grin, eyes squinting and crinkling from the sheer effort of it.
“Todd! Todd, dear, I didn’t know you were visiting this year!
You didn’t call, you didn’t write—but, oh, I’m so happy you’re here, dear!
Would it have been too much to ask you to ring the doorbell? I almost had a
heart attack. And don’t worry about the blood, here—I had an accident. My favorite
figure toppled off of the table and cleanup didn’t go as expected. But I seem
to recall you are quite into the bloodshed and ‘edgy’ stuff these days, so I
don’t suppose you mind.” She releases a hearty, kind laugh, but it isn’t
mocking, it’s sweet. Grandmotherly. The demon is by no means sentimental or
maudlin, but the kindness, the familiarity, the genuine fondness, does pull a
few dusty old nostalgic heartstrings. “Imagine if it leaves a scar! It’d be a
bit ‘badass,’ as you teenagers say, wouldn’t it?”
She is as blind as a bat without her glasses, it would appear,
because the demon is by no means a ‘Todd’ or a human at all, though humanoid, shrouded
in sleek, black skin and hard spikes and sharp claws. But the demon humors her, if only
because it had been caught off guard.
The old woman smiles still, before turning on her heel and
shuffling into the hallway with a stiff gait revealing a poor hip. “Be a dear
and make some more coffee, would you please? I’ll be back in a jiffy.”
Yes, this is most definitely a mistake. One for the record
books, for certain. For late-night trips to bars and conversations with colleagues,
while others discuss how many souls they’d swindled in exchange for peanuts, or
how many first-borns they’d been pledged for things idiot humans could have
gained without divine intervention. Ugh. Sometimes it all just became so pedantic
that little detours like this were a blessing—happy accidents, as the humans
would say.
That’s why the demon does as asked, and plods slowly into
the kitchen, careful to duck low and avoid the top of the doorframe. That’s why
it gingerly takes the small glass pot and empties it of old, stale coffee and carefully,
so carefully, takes a measuring scoop between its claws and fills the machine
with fresh grounds. It’s as the hot water is percolating that the old woman
returns, her index finger wrapped tight in a series of beige bandages.
“I’m surprised you’re so tall, Todd! I haven’t seen you
since you were at my hip! But your mother mails photos all the time—you do love
wearing all black, don’t you?” She takes a seat at the small round table in the
corner and taps the glass lid of the cake plate with quaking, unsteady, aged hands. “I was starting to think you’d never visit. Your father and I have
had our disagreements, but…I am glad you’re here, dear. Would you like some
cake?” Before the demon has a chance to decline, she lifts the lid and cuts a
generous slice from the near-complete circle that has scarcely been touched. It
smells of citrus and cream and is, as assumed earlier, soggy, oversaturated
with icing.
It was made for a special occasion, for guests, but it doesn’t
seem this old woman receives much company in this musty, stagnant house that
smells like an antique garage that hadn’t had its dust stirred in years.
Especially not from her absentee grandson, Todd.
The demon waits until the coffee pot is full, and takes two
small mugs from the counter, filling them until steam is frothing over the
rims. Then, and only then, does it accept the cake and sit, with some
difficulty, in a small chair at the small table. It warbles out a polite ‘thank
you,’ but it doesn’t suppose the woman understands. Manners are manners
regardless.
“Oh, dear, I can hardly understand. Your voice has gotten so
deep, just like your grandfather’s was. That, and I do recall you have an affinity
for that gravelly, screaming music. Did your voice get strained? It’s alright,
dear, I’ll do the talking. You just rest up. The coffee will help soothe.”
The demon merely nods—some communication can be understood
without fail—and drinks the coffee and eats the cake with a too-small fork. It’s
ordinary, mushy, but delicious because of the intent behind it and the love
that must have gone into its creation.
“I hope you enjoyed all of the presents I sent you. You
never write back—but I am aware most people use that fancy E-mail these days. I
just can’t wrap my head around it. I do wish your mom and dad would visit sometime.
I know of a wonderful little café down the street we can go to. I haven’t been; I wanted to visit it with Charles, before he…well.” She falls silent in her
rambling, staring into her coffee with a small, melancholy smile. “I can’t
believe it’s been ten years. You never had the chance to meet him. But never mind
that.” Suddenly, and with surprising speed that has the demon concerned for her well being, she moves to her feet, bracing her hands on the edge of the table. “I may as
well give you your birthday present, since you’re here. What timing! I only
finished it this morning. I’ll be right back.”
When she returns, the white, grey and black crocheted work with the summoning
circle is bundled in her arms.
“I found these designs in an occult book I borrowed from the
library. I thought you’d like them on a nice, warm blanket to fight off the
winter chill—I hope you do like it.” With gentle hands, she spreads the blanket
over the demon’s broad, spiky back like a shawl, smoothing it over craggy shoulders
and patting its arms affectionately. “Happy birthday, Todd, dear.”
Well, that settles it. Whoever, wherever, Todd is, he’s
clearly missing out. The demon will just have to be her grandson from now on.
this is so sweet. it made me want to hug someone.
i had to
I WOULD WATCH SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE
Okay but she takes him to the little cafe and all of the people in her town are like “What is that thing, what the hell, Anette?” and she’s like “Don’t you remember my grandson Todd?” and the entire town just has to play along because no one will tell little old Nettie that her grandson is an actual demon because this is the happiest she’s been since her husband died.
Bonus: In season 4 she makes him run for mayor and he wins
I just want to watch ‘Todd’ help her with groceries, and help her with cooking, and help her clean up the dust around the house and air it out, and fill it with spring flowers because Anette mentioned she loved hyacinth and daffodils.
Over the seasons her eyesight worsens, so ‘Todd’ brings a hellhound into the house to act as her seeing eye dog, and people in town are kinda terrified of this massive black brute with fur that drips like thick oil, and a mouth that can open all the way back to its chest, but ‘Honey’ likes her hard candies, and doesn’t get oil on the carpet, and when ‘Todd’ has to go back to Hell for errands, Honey will snuggle up to Anette and rest his giant head on her lap, and whuff at her pockets for butterscotch.
Anette never gives ‘Todd’ her soul, but she gives him her heart
In season six, Anette gets sick. She spends most of the season bedridden and it becomes obvious by about midway through the season that she’s not going to make it to the end of the season. Todd spends the season travelling back and forth between the human realm and his home plane, trying hard to find something, anything that will help Anette get better, to prolong her life. He’s tried getting her to sell him her soul, but she’s just laughed, told him that he shouldn’t talk like that.
With only a few episodes left in the season Anette passes away, Todd is by her side. When the reaper comes for her Todd asks about the fate of her soul. In a dispassionate voice the reaper informs Todd that Anette spent the last few years of her life cavorting with creatures of darkness, that there can be only one fate for her. Todd refuses to accept this and he fights the reaper, eventually injuring the creature and driving it off. Knowing that Anette cannot stay in the Human Realm, and refusing to allow her spirit to be taken by another reaper, so he takes her soul in his arms. He’s done this before, when mortals have sold themselves to him. This time the soul cradled against his chest does not snuggle and fight. This time the soul held tight against him reaches out, pats him on the cheek tells him he was a good boy, and so handsome, just like his grandfather.
Todd takes Anette back to the demon realm, holding her tight against him as he travels across the bleak and forebidding landscape; such a sharp contrast to the rosy warmth of Anette’s home. Eventually, in a far corner of his home plane, Todd finds what he is looking for. It is a place where other demons do not tread; a large boulder cracked and broken, with a gap just barely large enough for Todd to fit through. This crack, of all things, gives him pause, but Anette’s soul makes a comment about needing to get home in time to feed Honey, and Todd forces himself to pass through it. He travels in darkness for a while, before he emerges into into a light so bright that it’s blinding. His eyes adjust slowly, and he finds himself face to face with two creatures, each of them at least twice his size one of them has six wings and the head of a lion, one of them is an amorphous creature within several rings. The lion-headed one snarls at Todd, and demands that he turn back, that he has no business here.
Todd looks down, holding Anette’s soul against his chest, he takes a deep breath, and speaks a single word, “Please.”
The two larger beings are taken aback by this. They are too used to Todd’s kind being belligerent, they consult with each other, they argue. The amorphous one seems to want to be lenient, the lion-headed one insists on being stricter. While they’re arguing Todd sneaks by them and runs as fast as he can, deeper into the brightly lit expanse. The path on which he travels begins to slope upwards, and eventually becomes a staircase. It becomes evident that each step further up the stair is more and more difficult for Todd, that it’s physically paining him to climb these stairs, but he keeps going.
They dedicate a full episode to this climb; interspersing the climb with scenes they weren’t able to show in previous seasons, Anette and Honey coming to visit Todd in the Mayor’s office, Anette and Todd playing bingo together for the first time, Anette and Todd watching their stories together in the mid afternoon, Anette falling asleep in her chair and Todd gently carrying her to bed. Anette making Todd lemonade in the summer while he’s up on the roof fixing that leak and cleaning out the rain gutters. Eventually Todd reaches the top, and all but collapses, he falls to a knee and for the first time his grip on Anette’s soul slips, and she falls away from him. Landing on the ground.
He reaches out for her, but someone gets there first. Another hand reaches out, and helps this elderly woman off the ground, helps her get to her feet. Anette gasps, it’s Charles. The pair of them throw their arms around each other. Anette tells Charles that she’s missed him so much, and she has so much to tell him. Charles nods. Todd watches a soft smile on his face. A delicate hand touches Todd’s shoulder, and pulls him easily to his feet. A figure; we never see exactly what it looks like, leans down, whispering in Todd’s ear that he’s done well, and that Anette will be well taken care of here. That she will spend an eternity with her loved ones. Todd looks back over to her, she’s surrounded by a sea of people. Todd nods, and smiles. The figure behind him tells him that while he has done good in bringing Anette here, this is not his place, and he must leave. Todd nods, he knew this would be the case.
Todd gets about six steps down the stairway before he is stopped by someone grabbing his shoulder again. He turns around, and Anette is standing behind him. She gives him a big hug and leads him back up the stairs, he should stay, she says. Get to know the family. Todd tries to tell her that he can’t stay, but she won’t hear it. She leads him up into the crowd of people and begins introducing him to long dead relatives of hers, all of whom give him skeptical looks when she introduces him as her grandson.
The mysterious figure appears next to Todd again and tells him once more he must leave, Todd opens his mouth to answer but Anette cuts him off. Nonsense, she tells the figure. IF she’s gonna stay here forever her grandson will be welcome to visit her. She and the figure stare at each other for a moment. The figure eventually sighs and looks away, the figure asks Todd if she’s always like this. Todd just shrugs and smiles, allowing Anette to lead him through a pair of pearly gates, she’s already talking about how much cake they’ll need to feed all of these relatives.
P.S. Honey is a Good Dog and gets to go, too.
the last lines of the show:
demon: you’re not blind here – but you’re not surprised. when…?
anette: oh, toddy, don’t be silly, my biological grandson’s not twelve feet tall and doesn’t scorch the furniture when he sneezes. i’ve known for ages.
demon: then why?
anette: you wouldn’t have stayed if you weren’t lonely too.
demon: you… you don’t have to keep calling me your grandson.
anette: nonsense! adopted children are just as real. now quit sniffling, you silly boy, and let’s go bake a cake. honey, heel!
honey: W̝̽̂̿͂͝Ọ̮̹̲̪̋ͦͅO̸̘͔̬͊F̜̫͙̟͕͖̙̋ͫ͌͗
that addition is a+ 🙂
THE ONLY ENDING I WILL EVER ACCEPT FOR THIS
Every time this post shows up on my dash, it gets better (and more heart wrenching. Y’all! Stop cutting the onions okay?!).
If ever don’t reblogging this, I’m either dead, dying, or buried under cat.
I think the majority of us agree with the fact that Loki, one of the most complex and acclaimed MCU characters, deserved a better ending to his redemption arc. I have decided to write this post in order to spread some hope that this is not the last we’ve seen of the God of Mischief.
First of all, his death was not convincing nor fitting for a character that is known for dying and coming back in almost every movie he is in (and don’t forget about the comic books). If the directors intended to make his death believable, they should have made him use his powers, try to trick Thanos with his illusions or attempt to fake his own death again and ultimately fail. He should have had a good plan only for it to be disrupted by Thanos and the fact that he doesn’t even seem to try makes me think either Loki is not dead or he let Thanos kill him on purpose.
It’s interesting that neither Loki nor Doctor Strange seem to use the infinity stones they own against Thanos. Even Thanos acknowledges that Strange doesn’t “use his greatest weapon”. But we know that Strange made use of the time stone to see into the future and realised that he (and half the universe) had to die in order to win in the end (presumably). Maybe Loki knew this as well. Maybe his death was also necessary in order to reach that outcome and that’s why he let Thanos kill him.
“The Tesseract can show visions of the future, which may or may not come true. The people who have seen this power are the Red Skull, Eric Selvig, and Hawkeye […]” [source] Loki seemed to be looking at the tesseract very intently before saying “I assure you, brother, the sun will shine on us again” to Thor. The tesseract could have shown him a vision of a future in which Thanos is defeated and Loki’s brought back to life somehow, hence the optimism of his statement. Also, I’m 100% sure this line is foreshadowing, it’s too cryptic and striking.
Also, it’s odd that Loki just drops the tesseract on the floor and doesn’t even try to pick it up while Thanos is distracted, considering he seemed so unwilling to give it away only a moment before. I guess he was too busy doing… whatever it is he was doing while Thanos was beating the crap out of the Hulk and killing Heimdall. Because, really, where was he? If the Russos’ intention was to make us believe Loki was out of options and would finally meet his definitive end, it was not a good idea to have the audience lose sight of him for 4 whole minutes, especially since he’s a character who has faked his own death before and whose most distinctive traits are being mischievous and unpredictable.
When being asked about Loki’s death at Ace Con 2018, Tom Hiddleston said “I’ve known about that scene for two years. I met with Marvel in May 2016, and they were actually telling me the story of Ragnarok with concept arts and images. […] My whole journey through making Thor: Ragnarok I knew this was coming” [source] Tom knew about his Infinity War scene back in 2016 and yet he said this about Loki on September 2017: “He’s cunning and transformative and changeable and will do everything he can to survive. He’s the trickster. He’s the God of mischief.” [source]
Tom Hiddleston also had a reassuring message for fans who were worried about Loki before Infinity War was released: “Loki is the God of Mischief, the Lord of Misrule, an Agent of Chaos. Chaos isn’t something that’s threatening to Loki and everything’s fine.” [source]
Even Loki himself reminded us who he was right before being ‘killed’ by Thanos. “I, Loki, prince of Asgard, Odinson, the rightful king of Jotunheim, God of Mischief […]”. His last words “you will never be a god” also point out the fact that he is a god (and Thanos is not). This line sounds too cryptic as well, it’s almost like Loki is telling Thanos “I know something you don’t”.
It is also known some members of the cast filmed at least one scene in Durham Cathedral (2017), and Tom Hiddleston was supposedly among them. Although he has not been photographed, different people claimed to have spotted him on the set.
The scene(s) shot in the cathedral never made it into Infinity War. However, it is unclear whether this footage was shot for Avengers 4. It’s important to remember that this location was also used to film Thor’s vision in Age of Ultron, a vision which seemingly represented Hel. We also know that Loki’s death in Thor: The Dark World was originally intended to be real, although not definitive, as Thor was supposed to travel to Hel and retrieve Loki in Thor: Ragnarok. [source] Perhaps this idea has not been fully discarded, which would be a plausible explanation as to why Chris, Tessa and Tom were spotted filming in Durham. It could be assumed that Loki is truly dead this time, but not for good: Thor would go to Hel in order to bring him back from the dead, hopefully in Avengers 4, or in another Thor movie. You can read more about this on this Reddit thread.
It’s actually a fact that Loki will appear in the next Avengers movie, as these leaked photos of the A4 set confirm.
These photos suggest that Avengers 4 will recreate the Battle of New York. The widespread assumption that Loki’s presence in the pictures indicates a flashback is wrong, as we can see Scott and an older Tony in the company of Captain America, who is wearing his old costume (meaning he is Steve’s past self). Thor and Loki are also dressed as in the battle of New York and Loki is gagged. He has something that looks like the tesseract in his hand and this doesn’t add up to the events of the first Avengers movie, which could mean that time travel is involved. This alone doesn’t prove that Loki is alive in the current timeline, but maybe his death can be reversed if the Avengers alter the past. In any case, at least we can be sure that his past self will play a role in the movie.
Kevin Feige tweeted this letter dedicated to the fans after Infinity War was released. We can see Thanos’ gauntlet as well as a Loki keychain in the picture, next to the letter, which seems suspicious since Loki’s role in IW was pretty limited.
When it comes to Kevin Feige, it is also important to point out that he has barely spoken about Loki’s death. In fact, when asked specifically about Loki, he only said that the scene was emotional, as were some other scenes in the movie [source]. He seemed to avoid answering the question by beating about the bush and repeating the same thing over again. One would think that if this were Loki’s final scene, Feige would have something more to say, considering that Loki is a fan favorite and that Feige himself always seemed to appreciate the character.
In addition, Jeremy Conrad seems to believe Loki could come back and has hinted he will on several occasions. For those who don’t know who this man is, he’s a journalist and the founder of MCU Cosmic and he has proven himself to be a quite reliable source when it comes to information regarding the MCU. This is what he said on the matter at hand:
Then, he shared the link to a brief article about the possibility of Loki being brought back to life through time travel. You can read it here.
Two months later, this was Jeremy Conrad’s response when someone suggested Tom Hiddleston should be the next James Bond:
He basically hinted that Tom Hiddleston’s Loki is not over yet though when some users asked him to elaborate he didn’t answer. We all know that Avengers 4 is in post-production by now and this movie definitely won’t keep Tom busy so we can assume Jeremy Conrad is referring to the possibility of Loki being in other MCU movies yet to be announced.
Many of you may not know this but some weeks ago a man who claimed to have worked at Tom Hiddleston’s house tweeted that Tom has signed up for 4 more Marvel movies:
We should take this with a grain of salt but I personally think he might be telling the truth. Though I’ve chosen to hide his username because of the negative response he got for this tweet, this is not just an anonymous person hiding behind a computer screen, but someone who has personal information on his twitter profile, such as pictures, location, occupation (he is indeed a plumber and works in the UK) and he deleted the tweet once it started to gain some attention. He said he only wanted to share the good news but regretted tweeting about it because of the way Loki fans had reacted (some were calling him a liar). However, he insisted that he wasn’t lying and that we would see Loki in more movies. To be honest, I was really skeptical about this whole plumber thing at first but a few days after this, Jeremy Conrad insinuated that Tom Hiddleston won’t be James Bond because that would be incompatible with his role as Loki, so, even though 4 more films sound too good to be true, I think something might be going on with Tom’s contract.
At this point, it seems there is more evidence of Loki coming back than being permanently dead but, of course, nothing is confirmed yet. I’ve made a list of links just in case you want to read more theories about Loki’s death:
‘I started writing a journal for my thoughts. I don’t know if it was to forget, or to remember what i’d seen. Men and women, caught in the crossfire of an unwanted war. After a few years i’d seen so much death, the word itself became meaningless. Words became meaningless…’
Tom Hiddleston in Manjinder Virk’s powerful ‘Out of Darkness’, which deals with the impact, devastation and experience of death, as an aid worker’s story is told through nine separate voices.
I was doing my Master’s thesis on bullying until the topic triggered me back to my own childhood so badly I dropped out of that degree program. Let me share something I know.
We haven’t quite found anti-bullying programs that stop bullying once it’s started, but we canreduce the harm bullying does. Just a few small changes to classroom culture, like limiting children’s opportunities to exclude each other, or spending time talking about respectful communication, has visible changes. Yeah, there’s still a hierarchy of popularity, but kids at the bottom of the ladder go from having no friends on average to having one or two. And that’s enough to make or break a childhood. (Sources: onetwothreefourfive)
But here’s the other thing.
There is one major factor that mediates the link between childhood bullying and adult mental illnesses (predominantly depression, anxiety, and eating disorders). It’s self-blame.
What really damages children isn’t precisely being bullied; it’s believing that they deserve to be bullied. If children don’t blame themselves for being victims, they are much more resilient and experience fewer long-term negative consequences. (Sources: onetwothreefourfive)
Society blames children for their victimization by bullies all the time. It says, “There is something about you that causes people to bully you.“ Common responses to bullied kids are things like: “Don’t give them a reaction.” (They’re bullying you because you get upset.) “They’re just jealous.” (They’re bullying you because you do well.) “Let’s teach you some social skills.” (They’re bullying you because you act weird.)
If we can just change that one thing, we could prevent a lot of damage. What bullied kids desperately need at the very least is a caring community that says: You are not alone. It’s not your fault. What they’re doing is not okay.
Also extra horrible: if you get counseling for being bullied a lot of the time it is “identifying what rhing about you is causing people to bully you”. In other words, even the “help” you get us often blaming the victim for being bullied and framing is as your fault, even though ime even if you stop doing the thing you get bullied for the bullies won’t acknowledge it. I got bullied over stuff from third grade until I dropped out of school in 10th.
And that’s not even accounting for the fact sometimes bullying is things that end in ism and there is absolutely nothing you can do as you’re being blamed for your own marginalization.
Bullying is emotional abuse.
There is nothing that can ever make you deserve emotional abuse.
Telling people, directly or through your actions, that they’re at fault for being abused is, again, emotional abuse.
I hate the term “bullying” for this exactly reason.
“Stop bullying” programs don’t work because they treat “bullying” like its a unique, child-specific thing you grow out of once you reach the magic age of 18 and It Gets Better ™.
It’s not. It’s just a fancy word for abuse that people coined because they didn’t want to believe their precious little baby could abuse another child and everyone went along with it because NOBODY wants to believe a six year old can intentionally traumatize another six year old to the point where they want to take their own life. Its “just bullying.” It’s not abuse. Only adults can be abusers. Kids are bullies. And if a child DOES do something evil, they’re either mentally ill or an adult drove them to it. Children can’t be bad!
Except here in the land of reality, it doesn’t work that way. Being abused causes the same amount of trauma whether your abuser is 9 or 90. I don’t care if a child has the biggest, saddest sob story in the world, they don’t get to use that as an excuse to abuse other children. Adults don’t (or shouldn’t) get away with that, so neither should children.
If people really want to “fix” bullying, they need to ditch this useless term and start calling it what it is. Abuse. And then, start actually doing something about abuse besides gaslighting the victim and saying “well maybe the abuser had good reasons uwu”.
“If you get counseling for being bullied a lot of the time it is “identifying what rhing about you is causing people to bully you”
That’s literally how it was for me
My school literally told my mother that I should be removed from school until I could learn to be less of a disruptive influence.
The disruption I was causing was being bullied. Me being targeted by bullies was somehow my fault, my problem.They had me removed from classes rather than dealing with the bullies.
Naturally my mum told them to fuck off and had me put in a different school, because my mum doesn’t play those fucking games. Neither, fortunately, did the new school I was moved to.
That blame the victim was very explicitly taught to teachers in the ‘70′s and ‘80′s as the appropriate response and pretty much did horrific damage to my generation.
By the time I was learning to teach at the tail end of the ‘90′s it had been replaced with a target the instigator and the instigator’s… I’m going to use the word minions here, though they used kinder words in teacher college. That thing were they kick the back of the kid with the learning disabilities’ chair until ze explodes for the fun of seeing the kid explode and then get in trouble for it? I’d watch for that little asshole and come down like a ton of bricks on the bully first kick. I’d separate that kid from his or her sniggering friends, because they are supporting the bully in the assholery, and the bully would not only have me watching zim like a hawk for as many years as ze had me, I went around to all the teachers in the bullies pod with a list of assholery to look out for. Because, surprise! If you punish the bully hard and keep on that instead of punishing the victims? The bullying nearly disappears in your room. Not 100% but close.
We were getting really good results in my district with a mixed approach with the things star-anise
was talking about, but also a district wide program that targeted the audience of the bullying. The research was showing that bullies, whether in schools or that adult asshole sexually harassing adult women on public transport, etc.. read silence as approval. So we taught the kids that if they felt comfortable saying something either against what the bully was saying or in defence of the person being harmed, that it was the strongest way to help. If they didn’t feel safe doing that, slip away and get an adult. If they didn’t feel safe doing that? Leave. Because standing and watching strengthens the harasser. on our end, we all made an effort to intervene every single time, and to model how to verbally push back against it, and to use things like classroom geography to prevent isolation and break up clusters of people encouraging each other in asshole behavior.
It helped. It helped so much. I’ve had the instigator’s sniggering sycophants decide they were tired of getting in trouble and it wasn’t worth it to support the bully. I’ve seen groups of girls descend like Amazons to stand up for a kid being picked on before I could cross the room. I’ve had a boy turn to another boy and back me up when I was confronting him on homophobia. I’ve seen two girls and a boy hold a quiet but firm intervention about a certain boy’s bigotry while they were working on a poster project together. I saw the Middle School with the worst school culture in the District turn around in the course of year because of concerted whole school efforts to break up cliques and intervene whenever they saw even the start of something maybe happening.
I’ve also seen it work with street harassment where we stood up for the person being harassed. I think it needs to happen in workplaces and anywhere this sort of thing goes down. We need to have each other’s back, whether adults or children are being harassed, there need to be consequences and intervention. What ever the age of the person doing the asshole thing, people need to not stay silent witnesses, because that will always be a form of approval.
It can change. It can get better, but that only happens if a critical mass of us decide to make it better.
Also? If your school isn’t proactively protecting your kid? Sue them. It’s how we got the rural district a little north of here to go from dangerous as anything for queer kids to the most safe for LGBTQIA+ kids of every stripe and in two decades the whole culture of the town is noticeably changed an improved because the kids we taught they way have kids of their own now.
I was bullied as a child, but I never was made feel that the bullying was my fault. My parents stood up for me – when teachers bullied me, and targeted me specifically in elementary and middle school, my parents went and confronted them. It wasn’t a ‘the adult is always right’ household but I was also held accountable for my shit (of which I did plenty.)
The teachers didn’t stop being horrible to me, but I was’t feeling like it was my fault. That made a HUGE difference when confronting bullying by my peers. I was impervious. I knew they were wrong, and it wasn’t my fault. My dad taught me that unless someone is your dependent on your tax return (aka someone yo are responsible for, because family) you should pay them no mind.That meant that I wasn’t a fun target anymore, because not only I snapped back, and hit back, and didn’t care if I got in trouble (my parents backed me up), it meant that I also was a shield for other people who got bullied.
I never shut my mouth. I always talked back and stood by other kids who were bullied, even if I didn’t know them or weren’t in my class. I argued with everyone and everything that moved, and the teachers eventually were forced to step in equally because I was like teflon – trouble didn’t stick to me, since calling in my parents would just mean getting my parents to yell at them for allowing kids to abuse other kids.
NEVER make your kids feel at fault for being bullied. It is NEVER your fault. ALWAYS have the kid’s back, and trust me, you will make a WORLD of difference.
Create a mess 